Let Me Share My Dad.

This September I turn 49. I have now lived at least one third of my life. :) At this time, I, like many men, am taking stock of my life. In doing so, my thoughts naturally turn toward my father.

“Life coach” is a term being thrown around quite a bit today. The concept is built upon an individual who "coaches" another person on how to live his or her life. My dad was a life coach long before the term was used. More than making a good living, more than having fun, I think my dad wanted to be my life coach.

Through the years I have learned how unusual he was. Too many men, I have known, have had poor relationships with their fathers. Some were abandoned by their fathers. Some were separated by their fathers through divorce. Some lived with their fathers but were disconnected in their relationships. So many of these men have had difficulty living mature, adult lives -- a consequence of their relationships with their fathers.

All of the blessings that I enjoy in my life I owe to God, first. After him, my dad would be at the top of the list.

It was 30 years ago this summer I headed out to ACU. I was playing college football at the time. I actually moved out in July to work out a month before two-a-days began.

July, 1979, produced a challenging time in my life. I had dreams of somehow overcoming all obstacles in attaining football greatness. In case you have not been reading the sports pages over the last 30 years, I did not reach my goal. Still, I learned much from God. His chief instrument during those years was my father.

My leaving home placed our relationship in transition. As a teenager, my dad and I spent most Friday nights and Saturdays at our cabin near Sulphur Bluff, Texas. There, in incidental moments, my dad did a lot coaching. With me away at ACU, geography separated us. But dad kept coaching me. He did so in phone calls and mainly, in letters.

I have in my possession a file filled with letters that he wrote during the course of my undergraduate years at ACU. I have photocopied them and given copies to my sister who lives in Seattle. If a fire destroys one set, we will have the other. You carefully preserve that which you highly value.

It is not unusual for me to encounter people who knew my dad and have them tell me how much he meant to them. The latest came from someone I grew up with. Lisa Landers Monday sent me a message through Facebook and told me how much my dad had meant to her. She had worked for him and wrote me that she still thinks about the wisdom he possessed. Whenever someone recounts to me a story like this, it always makes me feel good.

Darvin Edge has blessed a lot of lives, none more than mine. So if you're sitting there as one who did not have such a father, let me share with you mine. I want to share the first page of the first letter I received when I was in college. I say first page because the letter is typewritten, 5 ½ pages long, single-spaced. It is full of advice and wisdom. Before I do, let me share with you a little more of the context.

As I told you earlier, I went to college with dreams of football glory. I prepared hard for two-a-days. I was in spectacular shape. However, the morning of the first practice I was in for a shock. There were thirteen quarterbacks in our camp. Even though at that time ACU was a NAIA school, the level of competition was quite high. Some of the conference football players had gone on to play professional football, including some from ACU.

That first day reality began to sink in, and reality stank. It wasn't long before I began to see that not only was Mark Edge not number one in the coaches’ heart, he might not even be number 18 in the team’s game program. As you might imagine, I became quite discouraged. About this time, a letter arrived from my dad. The letter was dated October 7,1979. As I have mentioned, daddy wrote this on his typewriter. I have edited the punctuation a little to convey to you what he communicated to me:


Dear Mark,

The school of hard knocks sometimes ain’t no fun. I hope I can soften the blow somewhat for you but one thing is for sure, I can't eliminate the school. Life is a series of ups and downs. We are fortunate that one of your first challenges is football, something that is not very serious.

You are going to have problems that cause you concern and worry as long as you live. Look at it this way: the only way you can grow, learn and mature is by these challenges. How you handle these will determine what type of individual you are. It is how you react to them that will determine your character.

If you will see that there will be one after another as long as you live, then you will be better able to see that you will just have to settle down and not get uptight with them because as soon as you dispense with one of them, there will be yet another. So learn to relax and figure out the best way to cope or handle them and do your best.

If it is meant to be that you master whatever it is, it will happen. If not, learn from it and you will be better able to handle the next problem because it will come.

You have to learn to handle anxiety. Do not let it eat on you. You cannot change the outcome one bit by being anxious. Don't get to wanting something so badly that you are willing to get uptight to get it. I do not mean that you can't get excited about it, but I mean "do not get to desiring it so badly that you worry about it.” That is when you get to wanting it too badly. If you believe in Christian providence, then give it a chance to work.

Do not anticipate what you believe is best for you. If you do your part, the outcome will take care of itself. Keep the faith – never doubting that the results will be good for you. Take advantage of this rare opportunity to learn how to cope with pressure in something that is not all that important -- football. If you wait to learn this lesson until you get married and are in a much more serious situation, then it will be much harder on you. I wish I could take away the pains of learning from you but you must go through these by yourself. That is the only way you will learn.

Take advantage of it.


It's funny, some of the same character flaws I had back then I have today. I still am tempted to allow anxiety to eat on me. I still find myself wanting something so badly that it eats away at me.

I still have difficulty practicing the Christian discipline of changing myself by becoming more Christlike -- the only area of life I have been empowered by the Holy Spirit to control -- because I am so distracted by the illusion that I can change others, or even circumstances.

Daddy's words speak yet to me from the grave. If you stayed with me thus far, I hope those words have blessed you as well.

Happy Father’s Day.

Spiritual Formation at ACU

I had a great time at my ACU short course. Rare is the room in a building
that becomes sanctified and holy, but that is the case with the Commons Room in the ACU Bible Building. To explain, let me take you back to a time in my life four years ago.

In June, 2005, I was set to attend a class in my DMin program called Spiritual Formation. I was in a bad way. My life was dis-integrating. My mind, my body, my emotional being, and my spirit were operating on different levels.

I was extremely agitated by my stomach going into this class, so much so that I visited a doctor. The main problem was, I was always feeling extremely full, almost nauseous. Having a great-grandfather, who died of stomach cancer, and a father, who died from stomach cancer, my medical doctor, knowing my family history, excused himself and went out of the examining room.

A few minutes later, he came back and said he had made an appointment for me to get a CAT scan the following morning. A few days later, I visited him for the results. He had a big smile on his face and he told me nothing was wrong with me. I asked him, then, what my problem was; he laughed and said, “Stress.”

“Stress?” I said. “I’m not stressed.”

He laughed again. He said he received that kind of reaction from his patients all the time.

The truth was I was extremely stressed. I was in the DMin program, I was preaching full-time, I had two children, plus two foster children—it was a very difficult time in my life. I had been studying the Bible, as always, but something was missing. Consequently, my life was unraveling.

It was at that short course on spiritual formation that the pieces began coming back together. My life, my being, began to re-integrate. I learned there was a whole venue of spirituality that was biblical, that I had ignored, namely, meditation and contemplation.

All week I was taught about Christian spirituality, and it was modeled for me through strategies and practices that immediately addressed those issues. Ultimately, I began a major reorganization in my life and it made a difference. I have told churches this and I believe it—I was blessed by this class and it has added years to my life. Now, I realize the purpose of the spiritual journey is not to add physical years to a person’s life; however, at my age and with a wife and children, I do appreciate the by-product.

Okay, fast-forward back to June, 2009. Last week, I attended the Spiritual Formation class as an auditor. Fortunately, my spiritual life, indeed my entire life, was nowhere near the mess it was in four years ago. Still, I knew this class offered a time for maturation and fine-tuning.

Jeff Childers and David Wray blessed me again in their teaching of the class. They shared new material and new things they had learned since we had last been together. The other men in the class blessed me as well. In our final session, on Friday morning, each man shared about his spiritual journey. Each man was prayed over in groups of three.

I was the last man to share. As I revealed the details of my journey, David Wray affirmed me. Praying over me last, Jeff Childers expressed the value that he placed on our relationship. He affirmed me with wonderful compliments. He held up my needs and confessions.

I must admit, during that prayer—out of nowhere—tears began to form in my eyes. They rolled down my cheeks. I was so overcome with gratitude and emotion. I knew I had not yet attained that to which God had called. However, I knew I had climbed to a much higher ground than before.

Those moments were a wonderful culmination to a marvelous week. Yes, that room, for me, is holy ground.

Isn’ it funny? A common room, in a common building, can be transformed into holy space.

Time with Friends

The first few nights of my stay in Abilene, I stayed with Steve and Marsha Ridgell. The last couple of nights, I stayed with Tim and Carolina Archer.

Steve and Marsha have been my friends for over thirty years. I have spent many evenings in their home and this relationship has been one that I have treasured throughout the years. I don’t have many relationships that have remained constant like this.

The same can be said about my relationship with Tim Archer, who was my college roommate and, in graduate school, my roommate, yet again. Later, Tim and I were teammates in Argentina. Carolina and my wife, Judy, became close there in Argentina.

Although I am now separated from both families by 300 miles, there is still a bond. The main thing I appreciate about my relationship with Tim and Steve is not dialoguing with them about the things we hold in agreement. Rather, what I really appreciate is the relationship I have with them, as expressed in the areas of disagreement. So often, my thoughts have been sharpened by their disagreements. I think this is the mark of the deepest friendships--when you can disagree, agreeably, and never place the relationship in jeopardy.

Winters

Sunday morning I was able to attend Bible class and worship service at the congregation, where I preached for seven years. It was marvelous seeing those wonderful folks; they were so kind and patient and forgiving to me through the years, and I appreciate them for that. The reception they gave me was so marvelous.

The present pulpit minister, Jordan Hubbard, was most gracious and kind with his words. He is doing a tremendous ministry there, along with his wife and family, and I find great satisfaction in saying that. It makes his words that were complimentary, so much more meaningful to me.

At the very end of the service, Sam Nix, one of the elders, was making announcements and he had me stand up and give a report on Judy and the kids. Although he caught me totally off guard and I was somewhat discombobulated, I still appreciated the generous gesture, especially because (and I think Sam knew this would be the case) the folks were so emotional as they processed how my kids have grown. I could feel their emotional tie to my family. I found that feeling most satisfying.

I had lunch with Ken and Mary Slimp, and their daughter, Zannie, along with Tamra Groman, my old secretary. We were able to make a skype hookup with their daughter, Kelly, who is in Ireland, and their son, Guy, who is in Iraq. A great end to a great time in Winters.

Five things I think I think (a tip of the hat to Peter King for this idea)

1. I think Ronald Rolheiser is one of the great writers of the twentieth/twenty first century. His spiritual insights have changed my life. Currently, I am reading THE RESTLESS HEART for devotional guidance to begin my day.

2. I listened yet again to TRUMAN, David McCullough’s biography of our 33rd president on my Abilene trip. A marvelous book.

3. Thanks to the congregation in Rusk, where I spoke last Wednesday night. You ministered to me in your singing, and I have never had a group more ready to receive a message from God’s Word. You even laughed at my jokes. Out loud! When preaching becomes discouraging, I will think of people like you.

4. I think I am going to quit beating my head against the wall about how we in our tradition, do not commune in communion. Rather, I think I am going to focus on our strength—the Lord’s Supper, for us, is a marvelous opportunity for communal contemplation.

5. Welcome Duane and Lissa Melton, and girls! I look forward to being with you over the next two weeks.

Have a great weekend!