If God were King # 9 We Would Treat Family His Way

               I'll start with this: polygamy was not God's way. Sorry to disappoint you fans of HBO's “Big Love.” God's way was one man for one woman. I have several theories why. Some might even stand the test of time. I'll forego that route for now because you will probably acquire some hints when you look at passages in Deuteronomy. For example:  21: 15 If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love, 16 when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love. 17 He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him.

            What is God addressing here? The natural insecurity daddy engenders in his children when he marries more than one woman. If you want a story illustrates this in exquisite detail, see that of Jacob and his wives in Genesis 29–30. In God's nation, stability and security were important. A stable nation consisted of stable homes.

            Even more fundamental to the stability of Israel was this–drum roll, please–the control of the national sex drive. One commentator caught my attention when he wrote this:

sex was a political matter, not just a private one. Purity belonged to the family–and to the nation.

All those passages–like Deuteronomy 22–that talk about the proof of purity (and protected a woman against slander) emphasized at least two points:

1) purity mattered

2) purity mattered–so much so a woman was to be pure when she married

3) purity mattered so much that a husband who married and suffered from “buyer’s remorse” could not divorce his new wife unless he had absolute proof she had come to him impure.

            God considered purity issues public issues in Israel. Case in point: Deuteronomy 22:22–22 If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.

            Adultery merited capital punishment. A man sleeping with another man's wife committed a crime not only against the other husband, but also against the entire community, and against the entire nation. God decreed, consequently, that the nation purge itself of this evil.

            Adultery adulterated that which was to remain un-adulterated.

            Instability undermined society. Infidelity was considered the opposite of fidelity. Curiously, centuries ago people began referring to those who did not believe in God as “infidels.” Infidelity created infidels in a nation.

            Here is where 21st-century American culture diverges. The ideal in Israel assumed that what happened between consenting adults behind closed doors influenced the community at large. If the behavior reflected God standards, society was strengthen. If behavior deviated from God's standards, society was threatened.

            God instructed Israel to consider rape a crime of assault and violence–tantamount to murder. God's teaching on rape was so emphatic that if a man and woman were alone in the country, and no one was around to rescue the woman were to scream at an attack by the man, the rapist was still considered guilty.

            This reality encouraged men to form strategies that allowed them to stand above reproach. The bottom line was that God wanted the people of Israel to love one another in responsible ways. By showing respect for life and sexuality, by maintaining purity, they made themselves distinct from the culture around them. That is to say, they maintained holiness. The greatest demonstration of this was through the family.

            Disclaimer: I do not advocate today laws that call for the stoning of people who sin sexually. Nevertheless, remember that God did not offer these laws to show himself a “mean” God. He legislated in this way knowing that the sexual practices of society, especially a new society and nation, would impact people. Sexual unfaithfulness hurt the faithful. Sexual immorality undermined the morally innocent. Ultimately, everyone lost in sexual sin.

            Now, what about that famous passage out of Deuteronomy 24 concerning divorce? You and I need to understand that Moses’ purpose was not to state the reason about which one might legally obtain a divorce, rather it was to regulate the behavior of a man who had already determined to divorce his wife. Moses did not emphasize divorce; he emphasized what came afterward. Moses focused not on regulating the behavior of the wife; rather, he limited the right of a husband to treat the wife as disposable property. To set aside the former wife like “an ace” tucked away in one's hand to play if needed, was to disrespect the wife. The disrespect hurt a nation.

            Finally, an extraordinary verse: 5 If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

            Family was supremely important. In a caring society, people recognized that the normal rules and responsibilities from time to time needed to be set aside to build and reinforce the family. Others would have to assume additional obligations because newly married man must be free to stay at home and bring happiness to his bride.

            Here is the principle–the health of marriage and the health of society are bound together; as one goes, so goes the other.

            Jay Gordon, founder of Gordon-Conwell Seminary, went for a walk many decades ago through a field. In the distance, he saw house. Beside the house, it seemed a man was energetically and frenetically pumping an old fashioned, hand-operated well pump. The man was like a machine. He never stopped, and he never tired. Incredible!

            Yet, as Gordon drew closer, he discovered what he thought was a man was no man at all. Instead, he had seen a wooden figure painted like a man. The owner had wired the pumping arm of this stick figure to the pump handle. Water poured out—not because of the wooden figure. The water was pumping the wooden figure. The water pushed and pulled the arm of the wooden man.

            A commentator has applied the story by noting the God does not desire the opinions of the world to push and pull his people. Rather, he wishes for people to be driven by the word of God.

            Now, returning to the subject of family, so what? Let me offer one application by going on a rant. (I could offer many.)

            I have taught at a private high school. I have taught in public universities and private universities. I have taught in language Institute's overseas. My wife teaches in a public school.

            I don't care if the federal government, if the state government, if the local municipality, if the local school board, if the conservative Republican president, the liberal Democratic president, were to issue proclamations of “No child left behind”, “Every Child left behind”, “Every child passes”, “No child passes”, “TAAKS tests”, “Star tests, ACT, SAT or any other kind of tests, you are not going to have satisfactory education of children—kindergarten through 12th grade—until single men quit sleeping with single or married women, and single women quit sleeping with single or married men.

            Until men marry one woman and stay with her until she dies, and each love the other unconditionally and serve each other unconditionally and raise their children to love unconditionally, serve unconditionally, and to be self-disciplined, optimal education is not going to happen.

            Until society has stability in the family, education will simply be a matter of damage control.

            There–I feel better.