Plague of the Gnats

[On December 26, 2011 and January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running my two top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time.

       Today’s blog I first posted in 2009. Every year this has been the top rated post. ME]

A plague of gnats struck ETCA a week or two ago. Mrs. Munoz would be teaching her second grade class when, suddenly, out of nowhere, a gnat would fly toward her face. Strange. Gnats had never been around the building before.

Next door in her first grade class room, teacher Holly Shultz would find periodic irritation from these pesky insects. Likewise, first graders were constantly swatting the gnats that had begun attacking her classroom.

To the south, in the cafeteria, fifty yards and a courtyard away from the first and second grade classrooms, gnats occasionally made an appearance.

On the other side of the building, administrator Brenda Craig faced an occasional battle with the kamikaze creatures. What’s going on here? ETCA never had a problem with gnats before.

Brenda took the initiative to call the exterminator. “Sorry, Ma’am,” came the reply, “our contract with you does not cover gnats.”

And so the mystery deepened. Where had the gnats come from? What had ETCA done to offend a holy God?

And then it happened. Last week, as her students worked, first grade teacher Holly Shultz was digging through a locker in her classroom when she spied a lunch box. Whose was it? She faintly recalled seeing it before. She opened up the lunch box.

Avalanche! Look out below! All hands on deck! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Attacking Mrs. Shultz was the greatest clouds of gnats ever seen by man. She danced, and hollered, and swatted as if she were awash in a swarm of killer bees.

Students screamed and scattered. At last, order was restored. Enough so that Mrs. Shultz was able to investigate, further, the lunchbox. In so doing, she solved the mystery. The lunchbox had been long forgotten, and then suspected lost. Inside, were just enough remains of—a banana—to allow Mrs. Shultz to deduce that said banana had been the source of attraction for all of the gnats. (My personal opinion is that the insects violating everyone’s personal space were teeny-tiny fruit flies; however, I will hopefully never be able to prove my premise.)

After presumably all items involved were destroyed, order was restored and ETCA has reestablished a sense of order. And the owner of the devious lunchbox? One Timothy Edge.

When contacted by the press, Timothy’s father issued only a one-lined statement, “At least it wasn’t his underwear in the lunchbox.”

Donald Miller

Thanks to Jeff Christian and my friends at Glenwood, I had a chance Wednesday to eat lunch with Donald Miller and approximately thirty or so preachers and community leaders. If you have read my blog, you know that Miller is one of my favorite authors. He has begun a mentoring program for boys that he hopes to partner with churches nationwide in the near future.

Miller grew up without a father, so he knows firsthand the impact that void can have on a young man. Miller reminded us that 94 % of all U. S. prisoners are males. Of these, 85% grew up without the presence of a father.

Miller is serving on a presidential task force investigating this problem. The government’s conclusion—and I know this will be music to the ears of many Tylerites—government is not the solution. The federal government believes churches can do the best job of addressing this challenge. Miller is looking for ten male mentors in every church to spend a few hours a week with targeted young men. I think Miller is on to something, and I hope Shiloh can participate in this process.

Wednesday night Miller spoke at Glenwood. I thought he did a great job. He is hilarious, yet thought provoking. He proposed that the “God-shaped hole” in the human heart is an ill-conceived idea that is not biblical. Rather, he says, even in the garden before the fall, before Eve, Adam did not have his “God-shaped hole” filled by God. Something was still missing from Adam’s life, and she was Eve. I’m not sure I agree, but I am going to think about it.

Having read Miller’s BLUE LIKE JAZZ, SEARCHING FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT, and THROUGH PAINTED DESERTS, I am looking forward to reading his latest work, A MILLION MILES IN A THOUSAND YEARS. I’ve already read the first couple of chapters. Miller made me think and he made me laugh—out loud.