Living Together

            A trend I’m seeing more and more is living together. No, I am not talking about a trend in our society. I know it’s been going on there for a long time.

            I am not even talking about unchurched people who are visiting churches as they consider responding to the gospel. Their job is to live according to the flesh. It would be very difficult for them to live holy lives without the Holy Spirit living inside of them.

            What I am speaking of is the amount of Christians I am seeing who, although they have grown up in Christian families and attended churches, are living together.

            This is possibly connected to the fact that, for the past decade or so, more and more Christian college students, whether they attend state universities or Christian, are feeling comfortable spending the night in the residences of members of the opposite sex.

            Another offshoot of this is the old THREE’S COMPANY theme—Christian men and women from the same town or church moving to state universities and sharing a house or apartment. Usually, it is two boys and one girl—or vice versa.

            You might be shocked to hear this but—I don’t think this is a good idea. The frog is in the kettle, and the water is growing warmer.

            There are several reasons why I don’t think this is a good idea. (None of them include a “thus sayeth the Lord—thou shalt not live together.”) Let me offer three.

            First, even the world assumes that men and women will be (what the Bible calls) tempted to have sex. I use that term advisedly—recognizing the world generally does not care if people have sex before marriage.

            Should we as Christians assume otherwise? I remember when THREE’S COMPANY, now shown on TV LAND, first appeared on the ABC network. I was a junior in high school.

            Culture at the time considered it one racy comedy. Sexual innuendo was present everywhere. Part of the tension was based upon the premise that there no way one guy living with two attractive girls would NOT be having sex with at least one or both of them. Indeed, part of the gag was that the threesome lied to their neighbors and told everyone that the guy was gay.

            Again, the world still assumes that sexual sparks will fly when you have men and women living together—they just don’t care. Today, the neighbors in THREE’S COMPANY would say, “Go ahead, have sex.”

            With regard to the trend of Christian couples buying or renting a place before the wedding--and moving in together, let me share a story. One time, I was discussing this very topic with a group of older Christians who were in their seventies and eighties. They were, believe it or not, trying to get me to preach some sermons on sex and sexuality for those who were younger Christians.

            I was sharing with them the percentage of U. S. Christians who were moving in together before marriage (or spending the night together in apartments or motels) before marriage; yet, most were claiming to not be having sex.

            The older Christians roared with laughter—their laugh rooted in skepticism. They knew the human condition. They knew the pull of sexual desire. Most of all, they knew the challenges of remaining pure until marriage.

            This just in—the hardest thing on the planet is to refrain from a sexual relationship when you are engaged to marry someone. Restraint is NOT a casual decision; it is a war against ancient desires and against an evil ruler of a dark world. Without the greatest effort, a person will not be victorious.

            Ever hear of bundling? In colonial America in the mid-1700s, a young man would visit the family of the young woman he was courting. Typically, he would stay the night.

            The family would make provision for the couple to sleep together in the same bed. A “bundling” board was placed in between the boy and girl, physically separating them to ensure that nothing sexual would happen. The boy and the girl would wrap themselves in separate blankets. The couple could talk to each other—but that was all they were allowed to do.

            Strangely enough, the illegitimate birthrate shot up dramatically. It was not reduced until a great wave of spiritual revival hit the United States in the late 1700s.

            Joseph ran from sexual temptation in Genesis 39. That is probably good advice for all Christians.

            Today’s popular culture is wired with the assumption that couples live together and have sex before marriage. Whenever they see a man and a woman living together, they assume they are having sex. This leads me a to a second reason for not living together before marriage—our Christian witness.

            Christians are part of the universal church of God. The church is called to be a holy community. The church is called to be above reproach. What that means is that Christians understand that sacrifice is expected in order to rise above the level of innuendo. This is critical, strategically, for the mission of the church. 

            No problem. Christians understand Jesus called them to carry a cross and to crucify self (see Luke 9:23.)

            The Kingdom of God is not growing in the U. S. That is no secret. One reason is that Christians too often do not live up to the standard of their message.

            The world has no problem with a couple having sex before marriage, but the world does have a problem with two Christians having sex before marriage -- that is, if the two Christians hope to witness about the life-changing good news of Jesus.

            Paul writes in I Thess. 5:22,  "Avoid every kind of evil." Paul's advice is good in two ways. The world doesn't mind dabbling in evil, but they don't want Christians to do so. Why give them the appearance? Moreover, as mentioned, living together does not avoid impurity; it opens up the possibility of impurity.

            This may be hitting closer to the heart of the challenge churches face.  Bottom line: many Christians make it a low priority to bring people into the Kingdom. For a lot of Christians, following Jesus is a means to an end, and usually that end spells the pursuit of fulfillment for the Christian. The thought of carrying a cross for the Kingdom, placing the needs of others before self, or seeking to carry out Jesus’ will before one’s own—is idealistic at best, and repugnant at worst.

            Author and preacher Tullian Tchividjian, paraphrasing John Calvin, said, “The human heart is an idol-making factory.” I think he is on to something. We in the Kingdom of God must surrender idol worship and truly live out our call to discipleship.

            A third reason for the sexes not living together before marriage, and here I am again speaking of couples dating, is this—their children. I have lived long enough to see a few generations having to tell their kids—“Don’t do things like I did them. Learn from my mistakes.”

            I have to do this myself. It is not fun to advise my kids, "Learn from my mistakes…", even if it is as impersonal and universal as explaining the time I got stopped on Main Street in high school for speeding. I cannot imagine what it would it would be like to explain that Judy and I lived together before marriage.

            I can testify to this--it is nice to be able to look my kids in the eye and tell them that Judy and I waited until we were married to experience God's greatest gift to a couple.

            Let’s pretend you can live with a person you are dating, or to whom you are engaged, and not engage in sex. (I could not do it—I know of less than five who have even claimed they could.) Do you think you can bottle that self-discipline and sell it to your kids?

            God has gifted you with imagination. Imagine yourself facing your beautiful daughter, as she tells you she wants to live with some guy—only in purity, of course. If she asks, “Did you ever live with dad (or mom) before marriage…” do you want to answer, “Yes”?

            James Dobson used to say, “Life is loaded.” What he meant is that all of us—but especially younger people—can make decisions that can blow up on us.

            There is no question in my mind that someday our descendants will live in a society that values purity before marriage. A culture will be destroyed by its own weight if it does not.

            The question for us today in the church is, will we lead by example? Or will the culture have to take us where we should have been all along?

           

           

Five Things I Think I Think (with a nod to Peter King for this idea)

1. Casey Anthony—found innocent! Look out, Casey. They can still take away your Heisman Trophy.

2. Rangers on a seven game winning streak. May July be a month of separation.

3. Congratulations Doug Page on your new preaching job at Kaufman. And thank you for introducing me to the “HootSuite” app. Never has simultaneous tweeting and Facebook posting been easier.

4. Last week, I completed the new history of ESPN entitled THOSE GUYS HAVE ALL THE FUN. Although it is over 700 pages, it is a fast read—and a fascinating one. Part of the charm is the participants basically tell the story through their interviews. The authors (compilers) are the same guys who wrote (compiled) LIVE FROM NEW YORK, which was a history of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

5. Jaycee Dugard, you are one amazing human being. May God bless your future.

The Purity Pyramid

One of the things I hear held up as a virtue—and I hear it in our culture as much as I hear it in the church—is the idea of being a virgin until marriage. Interestingly enough, the Bible does not hold up the ideal of virginity – the Bible holds up the ideal of purity.

Purity is not the absence of sex. Purity can be achieved in a marriage that is very sexually active. Purity is, among other things, placing sex in its proper perspective.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how we all have these dynamic, energetic forces within us called sex drives. God gave them to us. His purpose was not exclusively for us to have fun in marriage, nor was it to have children. Certainly, in this world, those are byproducts. Likewise, the harnessing of our sex drives builds civilizations. I maintain, however, the foremost purpose for God giving us our sex drives is that it drives us ultimately, if we channel it well, toward God.

An essential element of this drive to God is purity. To help us visualize this, I want to share with you something I shared with my congregation a couple of weeks ago. I’m calling it THE PURITY PYRAMID. At the base, I’m placing the concept of the holiness of God. It all starts with God. It was God who said, “I am the LORD who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy” (Lev. 11:45.)

Even with the recognition of God’s holiness, it is still difficult to live pure lives in our culture. We do well to remember that, as Christians, we have the PRESENCE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. He came as God’s gift:

And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"Acts 2:38.) [ESV]

Paul tells us that God demonstrates His grace by making us new people when we become Christians. That being so, Paul asks how can we dare live against God’s chosen wishes for us:

So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not! If we've left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn't you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind; when we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace—a new life in a new land!
That's what baptism into the life of Jesus means. When we are lowered into the water, it is like the burial of Jesus; when we are raised up out of the water, it is like the resurrection of Jesus. Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father so that we can see where we're going in our new grace-sovereign country (Rom. 6:1-5.) [The Message]

Now, when we become Christians, God does not make us do the right thing. Otherwise, we would simply be glorified computers. Yet, an understanding of God’s grace coupled with the Holy Spirit’s power, should motivate us to choose lives of purity, and live by these choices:

If you are guided by the Spirit, you won't obey your selfish desires. 17The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should. 18But if you obey the Spirit, the Law of Moses has no control over you (Gal 5:16-18.)[CEV]

I want you to know that if you have been baptized into Christ, you stand pure before Him. And you have been given the power to live like him. You have the Spirit living within you.

Now we have reached the third level of THE PURITY PYRAMID. Looking toward a Holy God, recognizing the presence of the Holy Spirit within us, we pursue “Godly Choices.” These choices include choices of purity.

I think this is what Jesus had in mind when he told us in his sermon on the mount, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Mt. 5:8.) [NIV] The heart in scripture typically is not a place of emotion. Rather, it is the location of the will. It is the place we make our choices. Jesus calls us to resolve to make choices of purity. Paul reaffirms this in Romans 12.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you (Rom. 12:1-2). [The Message]

Guys, picture yourself helping your wife wash the dirty dishes. She washes, you dry. Imagine you taking those clean dishes and placing them back in the dirty dish pile. She would probably take one of those dishes and break it over your head! Why? You don’t put clean dishes back into the dirty dish pile. Likewise, after God goes through the cross and cleans us up, do we jump back into the dirty dish pile of the world. No, we make pure choices.

The by-product of each step of THE PYRAMID OF PURITY is Christlikeness. Paul wrote that he wanted to know Jesus intimately, share in the power of His resurrection AND His sufferings, so as to become more like Him (Phil. 3:10.) This is our ultimate desire as well. Sex is not just about sex; it is also about God. The choices we make help us to know him more deeply and walk with Him more closely, or we position ourselves further away. I am struck by how God does not want to rob us of a good time; rather, he wants to enhance our time here on this earth.

He knows us better than we know ourselves. To trust Him is to experience life.

Five Things I Think I Think (with a nod to Peter King for this idea)

1. Say it ain’t so, Stephen Ambrose. For two decades, Ambrose has been, perhaps, my favorite biographer and historian. This morning, Tim Archer sent me a link to an article claiming that records reveal that Ambrose heavily exaggerated the amount of personal time spent interviewing one of his subjects—Dwight Eisenhower. Having already been accused of plagiarism in BAND OF BROTHERS, this scandal does not bode well for his legacy.

2. I am totally pleased about Colt McCoy’s draft selection. He has no pressure upon him and he can show everybody how they were wrong by not drafting him higher.

3. By scrupulously avoiding writing about present-day politics, I have been made aware of how much my political feelings affect my life. It feels like so much of who I am is not addressed in my writing. However, that’s better the alternative.

4. The final day of school cannot arrive fast enough. Some things never change.

5. Ben Roethlisberger received a six game suspension last week from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for exercising poor judgment. Could it be American culture is making a moral shift?

Have a great week!